wistful-dreamer

Bleh...

2006-08-24T17:01:00.000+08:00

emo emo emo emo emo... The hell I'm getting tired of people lamenting their problems and making them worse than it seems. Don't they realize that happiness is not merely a privilege but instead it's also a choice???

I'm getting tired of those crying and sulking and stuff like that... *sigh* I guess these people haven't really been to worse situations before and they don't realize that having a real serious problem really really really bites... and that's when it really hurts the most. But whenever I listen to people lamenting, all I hear are petty problems exaggerated to make it seem like a big deal. But it's not... They're already crying over these problems... what the hell do they want??? A PERFECT WORLD?! THERE'S NO SUCH THING!

God.. I'm tired of it... or maybe I've just gotten past that piece of crap and I know what I'm supposed to do... I don't know... I guess I'm just getting too old for this crap. But then again.. this people don't realize that they're wasting their youth in such nonesense. They'll have more problems in the future, graver problems.

Whatever.. I'm just gonna let them be and not let me be a part of their "pathetic" life.

Standing Still

2006-08-21T11:07:00.000+08:00

Don't you ever wonder why when you are standing still you get irritated? Doing nothing standing just at a single point makes you uncomfortable and you want to get the hell out of there as soon as possible. That's because when we stand still, despite there are hundreds of other people around us, we are alone. On the point we stand still, we cut off interactions, we think only of ourselves to keep the position, and we wonder what's happening to the world passing before us as we do.

Standing still gives the same feeling of loneliness, you are all by yourself thinking only of yourself, you stand firmly doing nothing as if nothing will ever change if you were not there and yet you still wonder what could have happened when you are not by yourself, where you could have gone to that day if you were amongst your friends.

That's what I realized I've been doing for the past months, standing still in my house. People might say, "You're lucky to have your own house." or "You've got all the freedom in the world.". But having your own house is also being alone. Since the time I've been living alone, I noticed that I always wanted to go to class and go there early because there's nothing to do at home, or more like no one to talk to. And when I come home, there's no one there that I would expect but my furnitures.

I realized this loneliness and how much I missed my home in Manila when my uncle and aunt, an elderly couple, invited me to stay in their house far from my own. There the comfort of my home was brought back, I feel the at ease and even if I was just sitting by the garden reading a book, I felt as if that I'm having more meaning staying there than in my house.

I thank my uncle and aunt for inviting me there to stay for awhile and be able to relax and have comfort. It was a pleasure to be a part of their family for just a a day.

Took so long.

2006-08-18T21:10:00.000+08:00

Well.. maybe it took awhile before I actually started blogging again. Ahehe.. I was always busy and my college work is getting to me. Actually not only the college work. Even peers are trying to influence me..

But I realized their weakness and stupidity so I guess they can't fool me anymore. For the past few months I have lost track of my current goal. Unfortunately, I lost too much time during those months. I'm trying to go back on track to my goal but it's getting really hard to do so especially if you're already being swallowed by the naive environment that surrounds you.

Within those past months I've been disconnected for a long time. I have been neglecting my responsibilites with my Boss, the only person I'm willing to serve under totally. Frankly, I think he's a bit disappointed at me for being like this, but I'm willing to make it up to him, hehe.. We are in good terms now and I don't want to mess it up. I still know that he's helping me but sadly, I'm not returning the favor.

Anyway... I'm ready now to go back to business. Stick to my goal, the last news I recieved gave me a wake up call that there may be a time that I may no longer complete my goal. I will not allow that to happen.

What is my goal? Well... I talked to my bestfriend about it but she didn't know that it was my goal. The goal is... Revenge.

Why? Because I've been destroyed once, twice, a lot of times. And stupid me, I was so blinded to see it before. I wish to make this person feel what this person did to me, manipulating me, crushing me... I hate it.. and this is what I've become, a person practically lost, only a fragment of my past was left to what defines me as who I am now.

And I want the missing fragments back. I know that people say, my bestfriend say, that revenge is just something that will cause ruin not only to the person that will recieve the hatred but also the person committing it. But I can't move on, I've tried so many times to move on, I just can't. I have to do this for myself. I must have my revenge.

This person will suffer and perhaps even more than the way I suffered. But, if this is a lesson to be learned from, I will give it to this person for this person to understand. And for me to finally get over it.

"Dreams are the reflection of your existence"

Yep, I've been dreaming of mountains, trees and waters for the past 6 months. Someone said that I've reached a higher state of my existence. And I do feel that I have reached a higher state of existence... but... I am still human and I have my flaws that have been given to me by Science and Mathematics. I know these flaws but I am not sure of the cure to them and I only do what I can think of for this flaws.

Start over?

2005-12-01T09:53:00.000+08:00

I wonder what will happen if I started blogging again.. It's time consuming and now that I'm a college student I don't have much of it. Anyway... Kei is trying to encourage me to start again.. so I guess.....

I had an important question yesterday... but I think I'll post it when I really started.

Room of Angel

2005-05-15T11:10:00.000+08:00

(This song is getting in my head.... I didn't know why until I read the lyrics....)

You lie silent there before me
Your tears they mean nothing to me
The wind howling at the window
The Love you never gave
I give to you

Really don't deserve it
But now there's nothing you can do
So sleep in your only memory of me
My dearest mother

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes goodbye
It was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry, oh well
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes goodbye
Goodbye...
Goodbye...

So insignificant sleeping dormant deep inside of me
Are you hiding away lost
Under the sewers, maybe flying high in the clouds
Perhaps you're happy without me

So many seeds have been sown in the field
And who could sprout up so blessedly,
If I had died I would have never felt sad at all
You will not hear me say I'm sorry
Where is the light, I wonder if it's weeping somewhere

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes goodbye
It was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry, oh well
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes goodbye

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes goodbye
It was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry, oh well
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes goodbye
Goodbye...
Goodbye...

This isn't right

2005-05-15T02:34:00.000+08:00

It's 2:34 am and I'm awake... I woke up in the middle of the night just to check if someone's online... I can't believe I'm doing this.

I hate it.

I thought I've been over this... why does it keep coming back? This is pathetic....

I'm hopeless.

If you want to find me.. I'll be there... waiting for you..

2005-05-13T17:46:00.000+08:00

A lot have happened lately.. I had my ear pierced, I got some new friends, I've been going to lots of places and doing lots of stuffs which is the reason why I always come home late.

I've finally finished my thesis.. yesterday actually. We didn't intend to finish it but it just happened coincidentally like fate had something to do with it. Well it happened like this...

I had a conversation with an old friend of mine in YM (Rio) and we we're talking about this cool stuff. He then invited me to see it and we're gonna meet in Dunkin Donuts. So I went there that afternoon and waited but after an hour I got really irritated and started looking for a green tricycle (He said that was the ride to the cool place.) But while looking for the tricycle I saw Gemma (My partner in thesis). She was getting paranoid coz she didn't go to school and her mother might find out about it so we we're always hiding. Then I proposed to finish the survey in the thesis so we could book bind it. She agreed and the funny thing was we two we're the only ones who answered most of the surveys using different identities and handwritings. After finishing we went to the book binding store and we found out that it'll take 5 days to finish it.. then she said that if we had enough materials we could book bind it by ourselves so we headed to SM North to buy the materials. (We we're both wearing some torn out pants and slippers.) And we came back and rushed up finishing the bookbind.. We didn't have the time for dinner and everything.

But it was finished... pretty good actually only the letters we're a bit... ugh..

Anyway... I'm going to school tomorrow to get my grades and enroll to my new school. MwahAHAHa!! Having my own house! I can finally do whatever I want. But don't worry I'll take care of my studies. I just don't want anyone getting in my way... I do things in an unorthodox kind of way but it always works out. Maybe that's why people don't understand me.. My mother even told me that she doesn't even know what's going on in my life. But she lets me be... maybe she knows that I can handle things on my own.
My own? haha... well that actually made me think.. Just this morning I was rethinking my stupid mistakes, in life, in friends and in love (bleh.) Yeah sure I made mistakes but I don't regret anything.. it happens and like they say "No matter what you wind up doing, you wound up doing. No matter what road you take, it's the road you took. The question is, now what?". Yeah.. now what? We always tend to regret things in the past that we get stuck in it and no matter what we do we've already passed it and time will continue moving forward. We always look at what's infront of us and what's behind us that we forget where we already are. And if you think about it no matter what happened in the past we've grown older and wiser. I mean we've already made the mistake, we'll surely think about it again when we've come to a similar road and hopefully this time we'll do things better. Whatever happens we grow stronge.r Experience changes us and one of the famous cliches saying that experience is the best teacher is true. Sure you'll wonder what if you lost something? what if you missed you're only chance? Yeah... so what? Are you gonna think about it you're whole life? Are you gonna let something trap you into moving forward? to a better being? Are we humans really made to slow to be stuck in something that is already behind us? Every moment, every step, every second we could build something new from scratch. Time will always move on and before we realize it a moment have already passed us. It would be a shame to waste it. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Imaginary (ORIGIN)

2005-05-09T18:12:00.000+08:00

(This is the original version of Imaginary and no doubt this is better than the one they had in Fallen.. they we're still gothic and underground when they made this song so.....)

Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming
Of the goddess of imaginary light

In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me

I linger in the doorway
Of alarm clock screaming
Monsters calling my name
Let me stay
Where the wind will whisper to me
And where the raindrops as their falling tell a story

If you need to leave the world you live in
Lay your head down and stay awhile
Though you may not remember dreaming
Something waits for you to breathe again

Inner Universe (Stand Alone Complex)

2005-05-03T18:52:00.000+08:00

Angels and demons were circling above me
Swishing through the hardships and milky ways
The only one who doesn't know happiness
is the one who couldn't understand its call

I am Calling Calling now, Spirits rise and falling
To stay myself longer...
Calling Calling, in the depth of longing
To stay myself longer...

Stand alone... Where was life when it had a meaning...
Stand alone... Nothing's real anymore and...

...Endless run...
While I'm alive, I can try not to fall while flying,
Not to forget how to dream... how to love
...Endless run...

Calling Calling, For the place of knowing
There's more that what can be linked
Calling Calling, Never will I look away
For what life has left for me
Yearning Yearning, for what's left of loving

To stay myself longer...
Calling Calling now, Spirits rise and falling
To stay myself longer...
Calling Calling, in the depth of longing
To stay myself longer...

Lost my extremely long post

2005-04-28T21:02:00.000+08:00

GRrr... STUPID CANNOT FIND SERVER!!

Shit...

arghh...

oh well.....

Windstruck (My Sassy Girl's prequel)

Talking to a ghost

This romantic comedy tells a story of two different people, a brutal, tough but cute policewomen, Kyung-jin and Myung-woo, a shy loveable high school teacher. They meet in a typically oddball fashion, with Myung-woo trying to chase down a purse-snatcher only to get mistaken for the criminal and get chased down himself by Kyung-jin. Soon they were assigned to work together in a ‘police-teacher' patrol in a certain district. That night was a memorable night for both of them. They fight with a bunch of high school gangsters, they get stuck in the middle of a drug cartel shootout, and they sleep together with their hand handcuffed. After that night, they become closer and they start dating. They continue their normal life but they still trying to spend as much time as possible together. Even during her duty, in the middle of dangerous chase, Kyung-jin still manages to talk sweetly when Myung-woo calls. Myung-woo will try his best to help Kyung-jin though he didn't know anything about police job. He is doing that for the sake of Kyung-jin, to protect her. In the end, he always gets himself in a hilarious binds while frantically trying to play the knight in a shining armor. Unfortunately, their happiness didn't last forever. In a snap, everything changed. One day, as usual, Myung-woo called Kyung-jin who is in the middle of chasing a dangerous criminal who just escaped from prison. He arrives to see Kyung-jin about to shoot the criminal. The shot missed and accidentally hit Myung-woo who was standing behind the criminal. That night, Myung-woo dies. Kyung-jin blamed herself for Myong-woo's death.

My Sassy Girl

Funny train scene

The essence of the film involves the interactions between college student Gyun-woo and a nameless, beautiful girl (Jeon Ji-Hyunn or Kyung-jin in the prequel) that he encounters at the train station one night. She’s drunk beyond belief, and Gyun-woo at first saves her from being crushed by an oncoming train. Then, during the subsequent train ride, he ends up being forced to take charge of this inebriated woman - as her last act before passing out cold is to look at the hapless bystander and mutter "Honey!", leading all the other passengers in the train to believe that she is Gyun-woo’s girlfriend. Initially, he tries to simply abandon the unconscious girl in the train station, but his conscience gets the best of him and he decides instead to take her to a hotel where she can recover. From there the machinations unfurl, with Gyun-woo watching his world go awry as he tries to come to terms with this strange young woman. She is bossy, curt and given to violent outbursts directed towards either the poor protagonist himself or random strangers who offend her sensibilities in some way. But beneath the harsh exterior of this seeming sociopath there appears to lurk a vulnerable soul, and Kyun-woo finds himself drawn to her and eventually hopes that he can somehow heal her desperate inner sorrow. This cursory plot summary does little to convey just how bright and intelligent a movie this is, mostly because to go into any more detail might spoil some of the great joys of the sharp and finespun script. Suffice it to say that the relationship between these two is certainly no smooth road, and the final outcome of their offbeat interaction remains in doubt until the final frames. Along the way, the film moves through all kinds of standard romantic comedy trappings, but in a twisted manner that often stands convention on its head. Moments of hilarity alternate with touching melodrama, and though the mood veers into treacle a time or two, the whole is paced so well and the two principals are so engaging that it’s impossible not to cheer for them.
Moving through moments of parody, slapstick and drama, My Sassy Girl’s two hours move along briskly, with the inventive turns of the plot and the fantastic acting of the two protagonists carrying the venture. Also worth noting is the film’s visual style, a clean and colorful mise-en-scene that places the characters within a setting that underlines their actions just perfectly. Jeon Ji-hyun especially benefits from this, often being lit in a striking manner that revels in her stunning features and helps to capture the wounded essence of her angry beauty.
But far from being simply just another pretty face, the sumptuous dramatic talents of this young actress are on display throughout the course of the film as she drags her poor compatriot through their myriad adventures. She is note-perfect in portraying the domineering acts of this protagonist as a cover up for the pain that she holds inside, and in fact it is the scenes where this hurt persona comes to the surface that the movie achieves some of its greatest triumphs. In a film so dominated by the two main characters - there are some extraneous friends and parents, but they are little more than background scenery for the principals - a poor choice in casting either of the leads might have sunk the entire venture. Luckily, both the "sassy girl" herself and her counterpart Gyunn-Woo are utterly enchanting, which brings an added depth to the proceedings and allows the cleverness of the screenplay to shine through in both humor and sadness.

No Doubt "My Sassy Girl" is much much better than Windstruck... My Sassy Girl is the only korean film I liked and I actually think it's better than any American or Filipino film there is.

Pagalis

2005-04-18T19:46:00.000+08:00

Kung wala ka nang gustong sabihin.
Wag ka nang tumingin ng ganyan.Kung bukas ako'y kalilimutan
Sana nama'y ngayo'y d mo na isipin
Ako'y tawagan.

At habang may panahon wag na nating hintayin
Lumalim pa at masakit mang tanggapin

Ang pagalis ng iyong liwanag
Na gumising sa mahabang gabi
Ika'y langit pero baka masanay
At di kakayanin ang iyong pagalis

Kung wala ka nang gustong marinig
Ako'y aalis.... at mananahimik.
Ang kahapon nais kong limutin
Sana naman wag ng manumbalik
At bigyan pansin

At habang may panahon wag na nating hintayin
Lumalim pa at masakit mang tanggapin

Ang pagalis ng iyong liwanag
Na gumising sa mahabang gabi
Ika'y langit pero baka masanay
At di kakayanin ang iyong pagalis

Eleventeen

2005-04-17T17:11:00.000+08:00

"Tapping a Shark's nose will make it go away"

I'm really tired today.. I don't know why... I got a few hours of sleep but I'm still tired...

I've been surfing the net all day long.. and eating.. and eating.... and eating........ my father is drinking again... watching the horse race... my mom is away... my brother is away...

I'm bored..

Swallowed

2005-04-12T21:51:00.000+08:00

I'm nearing completion of my work.. and yeah I'm late.. but that's ok, better late than never they say.

I found a new addiction.. it's King of Fighters 2003... Duo Lon shall rule all warriors.. hahaha... I wish.. Unfortunately Ash Crimson and I are fighting over the throne. Oh well...

I have to admit I feel sad... A close friend of mine decided to stay away from me.. not because I'm evil or something it's just that she had to. Something stupid and complicated which makes me wonder sometimes why.

I haven't been updating my blog for some time... I don't have the time to update and I'm a bit busy too...

The traitor is trying to be nice to me but hell who could forgive him? Maybe the best I could do is just let him go and never come anywhere withing 100ft near me... That bastard... grr.......

I have to watch Phantom of Opera tomorrow at a friends house... but I'm pretty sure that's not the only thing that will happen.. we'll fight over the throne again tomorrow.. Rats... I lost to him today and it was a pretty equal fight I must say.. only one shot and he'll faint but grrr..... he broke my guard and defeated me instead..

Betrayal

2005-04-08T09:58:00.000+08:00

I've been betrayed.. I don't know the reason and I don't know why.

I never thought I'll have an experience like this. But I don't really care... I consider this as one of the spices in life. I wonder what I'll do... hmm... if I'm the only one at stake I would really do something outrageous but my friend is also in jeopardy.

I'll find a way.. This is really exciting...

At last...

2005-04-03T11:20:00.000+08:00

I finally fixed the problem I made last friday...

what's it about?

It's about a bet I made to a friend of mine about a girl.. hehe.. the girl found out about the bet and she was really pissed of because it was only P3000.... anyway.. She didn't know why I accepted the bet so she made me lose.. haha.. that's ok.. I got the facts straight now so she's not mad at me anymore.

Right now a friend of mine asked me to be her boyfriend coz she wants this guy to be jealous.. wahh? I didn't want to be her boyfriend but she insisted.. oh well... she better make this work.

Wing

2005-04-01T15:35:00.000+08:00

Fly fly with the angels
You only touch me with your mind
Captured without release
How you listen with your eyes
Fallen fallen under
And I am screaming for help
I cannot be safe
When the villain is myself

There was a notion then
At the time it wasn't late
But the last time I returned
There was a houseful right for me
Tell me I'm too late
Coz I was here before the sun
Don't look at me that way
Like my death has just begun

Won't you fly down to me?

Fly fly with broken wings
Still you carry the weight
It's nothing it's nothing you say
You we're built to feel no pain
Tell me I should leave
And men should love alone
The symbol of your sleep
Says I've found my own

Won't you fly down to me?
Angels fly down to me

Won't you fly down to me?
Fly down to me.

Truth

2005-03-30T19:54:00.000+08:00

Why do the always think they know what's right? Arrogance... it's pathetic... people think my family is doing good.. just because they live in the same house doesn't mean they're ok... They always fight with each other, They never listen... heh... what good are prayers if everything else is shit?

In truth... I rebelled against God because of my family. My brother is a YFC chapter head.. and my mother is a high ranking Handmaids of the Lord and yet look at them. What's the use? They're just waisting their time praying and singing.. they don't act. But I have to admit that I was too blinded by what I saw that I did not see the truth about God... I was wrong with everything I believed in and I only found out this holyweek.

Anyway... one of the main reasons why I want to go away is because of my stupid family.. only my 2nd brother and I agree with that only I hate them even more.

No one understands me.. Hell they don't even know I'm good at drawing and writing.. maybe because I don't want anyone to understand me.. All I want is for people to see the real me without me telling them. Sad to say only one person was able to do that.. unfortunately he doesn't fully understand me.

We don't even go to church together... pray together... eat together... we're all on our own.. what kind of family is that? They even had a fight during Christmas and Newyear!!! CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR!!! Imagine that...

Everything in this house sucks...

When my father and mother asked me what course I wanted take and they said that it's all my choice.. I said psychology.... Do you know what they said?

try to guess it.. here's a hint.. I'm going to take Legal Management in college.

Boring Dayzz

2005-03-28T18:33:00.000+08:00

It's one of those boring days again... I don't have anything to do... anyway.. I'm getting ready for tomorrow. I'm going to school again, vacation time's over.

I'm chatting with strangers right now.. teeheee.......

haizz... boring dayz

Barbie's Cradle - Free

2005-03-27T07:21:00.000+08:00

(I really like this song very well written.)

If I leave in silence would you notice me?
Would you hate my absence?
Would you drown in the misery?
And If I leave with a reason
Would you argue to your grave?
Would you hold on to your promise like a master keeps his slave?

And I forever question to see if you feel the same
Coz there's nothing I wouldn't
Sacrifice reviving.

And I am too tired to cry
Don't you leave me to die
And I am cold at peace
As you, as you set me free

On my last confession
A final breathe I take
Would you look me in the eyes and see my name
The only consolation is you remember me that way
With the butterflies and happy times relived.

And I forever question to see if you feel the same
Coz there's nothing to replace reviving.

And I am too tired to cry
Don't you leave me to die
And I am cold at peace
As you as, you set me free

And I am too tired to cry
Would you leave me to die?
And I am cold at peace
As you, as you set me free

As you.. as you set me free

I'm back! yeah.. such a long holyweek that was.. I went to all this places and bought all this stuffs and walked all roads.. it was tiring.. but that's ok I enjoyed my vacation. :P

I'm gonna work now for my projects coz I have to finish it by nextweek and go to Naga by April 6 to enroll to Ateneo. Then be back again by April 8 or 9 to take a rest here and get ready and go back again by May.

Such a waste of money for travelling expenses but it must be done. hehe.. enjoy!!

Vacation in the midst of trouble.

2005-03-24T17:25:00.000+08:00

I'm still having my Vacation... and yeah... I'm still in trouble for my projects.. my brother agreed to help me but I don't know when we start working.

Anyway... we went to this beach the other day. White sand.. nice place.. and good people too... There were foreigners in the area. I didn't swim though.. I didn't feel like it. Anyway... we had an overnight there. We paid for a house then the next day we went to donsol to see some Butanding
(whale shark) as usual there were foreigners.. but we came there lunch time so the whales we're hiding in the bottom of the see. too bad.. aww.......

We're going to the station of the cross later for holyweek.. hehehe.... anyways.. This is my post for the day.

Fight!! Fight!! Fight!!!

2005-03-20T12:52:00.000+08:00

I'm here at home right now.. I'm leaving for sorsogon later.. My father is watching boxing.. he's waiting for Manny's fight.

I haven't packed yet... but I'm not in the mood to pack. I don't wanna go. I wanna hang out with my friends. : (
Argh.... I have to finsih my work in sorsogon.. grr.. that's ok I'll get help from my brother!! WahAHaha... I'm screwed.. shit... he'll kill me first before helping me. But I desperately need his guidance.

I wonder what I'm gonna do in sorsogon. hmm... I'm gonna miss my friends here in Manila. WahhHH... I'm gonna miss them too when I'm already studying in Naga.... huhuhuhu... that's ok. I guess I'll have to live with it.

grr....

gr....

Dream??

2005-03-19T10:56:00.000+08:00

I had the stranges dream this morning.. I just woke up actually. well... about the dream it was nightime and I have this deliveries to make.. and I kept going on back on forth from one place to another. This problems keep on occuring and people kept on irritating me. But then I saw the moon. It was huge.. not just a big moon but HUGE like in edited pictures. And somehow it made me feel better like it made me calm and made me able to finish my work.

I met a variety of people during my work.. and hell a lot of news. What was interesting is this woman. She was clothed in something like a pilgrim. And she was looking or protecting her son. She had this sadness in her eyes which made her even more beautiful. She ends up wandering and wandering like she had a never ending job. I felt sorry for her... She was only doing her job as a mother but she ends up suffering forever.

I on the other hand went to this village and was supposed to give my delivery to the townhall but an uprising occured and people kept on burning the houses and attacking each other. I sought help to a friend of mine and he did a pretty good job stopping some but they kept on destroying in the other parts of the village... I couldn't remember what happened next........

then I woke up.. hehe....

I don't know what will happen today.. guess it's gonna be ordinary.

Tired.......

2005-03-18T22:37:00.000+08:00

I got home around 9:45pm.. went to Gateway with my friend and her friend... hehe... three of us in gateway.

There was a presentation in school earlier this morning... My friend's had this dance thingy and it was really good. I never saw them practice seriously so I didn't think they would be that good. Anyways... the best performance was Jericho's band and Sarah Geronimo's song. They're both professionals so it's not a surprise to see them have an amazing performance.

We went to Gateway after that and watched "Cursed". It was actually funny instead of scary. Anyways.... it's not that entertaining... I've seen better movies.

Something's wrong with me.. really... I hate missing someone but when they're already there.. I don't feel happy or excited... I feel like it's ordinary. I guess I should learn how to appreciate things more. Hmm..............................

Just arrived

2005-03-17T17:04:00.000+08:00

I just arrived from school today.. stupid teachers... they're so busy with this presentation thingy that they didn't even bother taking a look at my project.. GRRrrRRr... I hate them.... hmm... it's actually weird in school today.. It's like everybody's somewhere around campus and are scattered all over. Guess that's life.. I didn't have much fun today.. maybe tomorrow something good will happen...... though I doubt it. It's still a busy day tomorrow. Busy with the presentation and the food and the.. uhm.. whatever.

My knee kept on reacting today. Wonder what's wrong with it. I just watched from a tv show about a knee that's got a disease and ended up.... chopping off.. bleh... I don't wanna move around in will chairs but I don't think that's gonna happen.

My friend asked me a question today.. she asked me what's the meaning of life. I thought about the meaning of life like... ages ago and I forgot the answer so I couldn't help her. That's ok... she'll live.

well.. that's just about it.. I'm off to do... nothing.. guess I'll irritate some souls around the area.

Bored to death

2005-03-16T21:37:00.000+08:00

I'm pretty bored... woohh.. and I've got nothing to do! I couldn't finsih all my projects but I finished some! I hope that's enough to shut up the teachers! khehehe!! Hmm.... Nothing's new in my life still pretty stupid like always. I'm waiting for something exciting to happen like.... hmm... LIKE ZOMBIES INFESTING THE CITY!! yeah!! and then I'll kill them all using... uhm.. chainsaws!! and flamethrowers!! and..... uhm.... MORE CHAINSAWS!!! YEAH!! HELL YEAH!! wahahahaha... I'm pretty bored... isn't it obvious?

I had a debate with someone today.. hehehe.. I didn't know if I won but I kept pushing my point so I guess I did cause he just changed the subject. Insulting him helped by degrading him and reducing his moral. kheheHE!! I'm evil! mwahAHAha!!

bored... still bored... I think I'm gonna be bored to death. I'm so bored I watched potterpuppetpals over and over again.. hehehe.. I still like my music! It's cool.

I'm not pretty sad anymore! infact I'm happy! the only problem now is my projects.. grr.. projects! burn them all!! I'm gonna burn them with flamethrowers and chop them up with CHAINSAWS!! And I'm gonna toss them to the air and slice them and dice em! grrr... wait.. I'm happy! hehe.. SMILE!! : )

This is probably my stupidest post ever! haha! I don't wanna play some games.. they bore me even more. hmm................................................................................

Oh happy days.... hmm...

what am I to do?

*walks away with hands cupped to the mouth*

Like the music?

2005-03-16T12:16:00.000+08:00

I like the music in my site :). It's really nice don't you think? It calms me somehow. hehehe... I'm weird. I stole the code from xanga hehehehe....

anyways...

I'm home right now.. I decided not to go to school cause of my stupid projects. I have to submit them tomorrow or I'm dead. I wonder if there's updating on friday. We have this presentation thingy and I'll watch my friends dance.. waHahAhaha.... I don't like watching dance numbers but I want to go there for support. bwahehe...... hmm.. I'm looking for Thomas H. Cook's biography but grr.. I can't find any.. too bad for those who are looking for him too. You're gonna bump in my site when you search in google or yahoo. hehehe!

I think I could finsih filipino today and take the achievement test tomorrow but I don't know about english.. grr.. I hate english. I don't need those good for nothing projects. I already know how to speak and write english. Why do I have to read a whole novel and epic and watch stupid plays and movies. Hmp... Guess that's part of life.

hmm....... My stupid free internet doesn't work. wonder what's wrong with it.

Argh... I totally forgot!! wahh!! Jason is waiting for me in school. Oh well.. he's crazy anyway. crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy....

where have I been?

2005-03-15T21:35:00.000+08:00

Where have I been?

I dunno... I ran out of internet card. hehehehe..... Shit I need to graduate badly! but fate is not on my side.. lady luck is... no longer lucky. hehe.... I feel stupid today.. don't know why, guess I really am stupid. that's ok.

I feel better now.. anyway... I also don't know why. Maybe because the past few days my friends actually were there for me. Like lawrence for example. He's been a true friend. He will undoubtly be unforgotten. There used to be 6 of us. Me, Andre, Lawrence, Rio, Martin and Ryan... but now we're the only 2 left. But like Rio said.. someday we will meet again.

Macie on the other hand have been really nice lately... maybe she read my stupid blog... grr.... whatever... she tends to exaggerate sometimes but she's ok. She's got this "Issues" that I don't even know what the hell they're about. But don't get me wrong.. she's really nice. Hope it's not because of my blog... I don't think she reads my blog anyway.

I hate those fucking "plastics". Those who just tells you what you want to hear but they don't actually mean it. GRRrrRrRrrRR.. lucky me Milcah isn't like that. She's a retarde.. hahaHahahahahaHAha.. just kidding.. I tell her everything I want other than my personal life.. that's why I call her bestbud.. hehehe.. She's gonna read this I know it. I can't change the path.. grr.. I changed it but it just turned out as a mirror site. grr.. I'll find a way to change it soon.

Don't know about the others though...

Leaving?

2005-03-11T16:43:00.001+08:00

I' had a conversation with Andre Gutierrez today... He was also leaving. It reminded me of the dilemma I had. I have to leave home and be somewhere far away. I want to leave but a part of me wants to stay.. I don't know what's the reason why I still want to stay. What would I gain if I stayed? Nothing.. and If I left I would meet a whole new variety of people and become a lawyer. I wonder... what will happen to me after 3 years. I doubt that my friends would even remember me or visit me in my house. That's ok.. at least I got to spend some time with them.

why do I want to stay?

what's in here that doesn't want me to leave?

is it my friends?

I don't think they even care about me.

Maybe.... I'm just afraid of being alone.. I once thought that people like me but now I think that it's the other way around. Maybe I don't want them to let go of me. Would they even miss me?

Fuck... what the hell am I thinking.

I don't want to be alone.

I think I'm already alone and I'm just clinging on to them. Maybe I should just let go. It would be much easier when I actually left.

PS: They don't read my blog so what the heck. I'll write everything I want. >:P

It's gonna rain!!!

2005-03-10T00:00:00.000+08:00

Footsteps are lightly taken, chao chao
But hurrying anyway, chao chao
The thunder like a lion's roar
Prompts a dispersion.
What's going on?
That's right...the rain's coming.

I really hate the rain, chao chao
I wanted to stay here a little longer, chao chao
In the instant when the pleasant sensation was changed,
When the lion made me hurry
It was obvious, No! Annoying.
It's gonna rain!

Has the rain erased his alibi?
Did she already forget?
Is this all the two of us will become?
Let's make all of this the rain's fault.

As for calls from her, Nothing Nothing
And lessons from the rain too, Nothing Nothing
If my mind would change
Like the weather in England
That would be a relief...but it's the opposite.
It's gonna rain!

The rain has made my fever return.
But he also suddenly remembered me.
The two of us were guided to here now.
It's all the rain's fault, no, thanks to it.

The rain calls people and makes them disappear--
A magician stronger than anyone.
The two of us had merely been fooling each other;
And didn't everything start in the rain.

It's gonna rain!

Validation and Manifestation

2005-03-09T12:31:00.000+08:00

When you are alive, things will happen. Things that can not be explained, things that can not be foretold by some thought or consequence or exposure to another idea. Everyday we touch something that reminds us of millions of memories that manifest themselves into 2 groups, the positive and the negative. Then there are the types of people who like to bend thre rules of nature, yes you can have both positive and negative feelings towards a memory or a thought, or even a simple idea as to walking in the park.

But what is it that you do after the memory has gone? What happens to your memories that will make you special so that no one forgets you? At one time or another we will be forgotten by someone, and then all together we are lost. Is it not enough that we humans can not fully live to be 100 years old, we dont have the power to control ourselves such as that. All we can do is live by day to day doing what we normally do and have fun and cultivate our affairs for that occassion. But what if our lives are cut short and we lost something important along the way. Can we destroy what was once given to us? Can we liberate ourselves from that life and break the chains of our destiney? Or are we all being controlled to think this way for a better event in life. A new ideal life that is awaiting for us at the end of our "yellow brick road."

To every action there is a reaction, or to every human notion there is a consequence to what we do. At first glance we think that what we are doing is quite fun and relatively simple and wont harm anyone, but are we forgetting the big picture here? The things we do may hurt someone else in the near future, we will regret these memories for the rest of our lives. We can be so selfish sometimes not to know what others feel because we are so stupid not to realize what it is that we lost. Then, when that happens. We feel hollow, sorrowed filled...touched with madness to recreate a perfect life for ourslves. When someone dies, we dont go on living the same way. We dont take the same responses from what we have done, no...we change it to make our lives better. Can you say once your dead, you may only find true happiness? Cause once your dead, you cant be blamed for destroying someone elses life...On the other hand the latter is true, you can destroy somene's life. It may be hard to beleive, it may be a right on fact that once you are gone from this world, you'll be missed, you'll be lost and forgotten as time goes.

There is not enough land on this planet to make stone or marble statues of ourselves to have people reminded..."That was a good person..." cause even if we did, stone...bronze and marble can be torn down and replaced. That is what this is all about, being recycled being replaced by something better. Our lives are so trivial, each person has their own life but its so trivial to live. We are concerned with nothing more than what we will have for dinner, or if the woman/man I go out with is going to like me. There are so many problems with our lives, that we forget that life is trivial, its so small and insignificant we are lost to beleive that this is life and it has over whelmed us with its presence. We have lost the feeling of triviality, we have lost the idea that the world is just a place for our physical exsistence and therefore, we dont do everything in our power to better ourselves. We are taught to respect people and their belongings. But isnt that so trivial too? Should we not learn that life is trivial to the point of extreme. Is it really that important what kinda person you will grow up to be?

Arent you better off dead to the world where you wont have to have that presense of emotion. You can spend hours upon hours thinking that a soul will exsits within you and gives us vices and whatnot. Is that what we are judged upon? our vices? Our ability to be nice? We are created for many reasons, whatever they are we have come into exsitence not for our own good? You question yourself, "why was I born? Why me? Whay does it happen to me?" Have you ever thought about the other person? It may or may not be your fault, who knows...perhaps it would have been better for you not to be born, perhaps the instant you took a breath the world will be forever doomed, we have that control to think and say and manipulate people so easily. Just by reading this passage your begining to think about your socks. Just because I mentioned it, your about to go and look at your feet and see if you have socks on or not. Or you may wiggle your toes and see if you do have a pair on. I dont even know you, but already I am your manipulator.

Dont you think your better off asking the right questions to get correct answers? Those of you who think your are touched by the hand of enlightement with your fancy big words and your on going posts that actually make you sound more stupid and less liked...I have a few words for you. Does it make you feel good to be able to make a smart post? To bring up a point that only you have the fame for? Do you want that kinda fame and relization of the world? I understand by reading this your getting intimidated for a response, therefore if I do intimidate you, i feel sorry for you. If you cant comprehend this, then you dont have a reason to live. I have talked to many people on such subjects as this and many look at me confused and dumbfounded. Which leads to my next point.

Soul:The animating and vital principle in humans, credited with the faculties of thought, action, and emotion and often conceived as an immaterial entity.

Is that so? Wow, I never thought about my soul being that. From what i have gathered I thought it was a pout of white smoke coming off of dead people. Coming from what the dictionary meaning means, i thought it would be obvious that our souls can be tainted. Another thing I desperatly hate in this world is the phrase.." souls be damned if tainted by waters of black hues." This phrase wich my teacher taught me can in handy for this reason alone. From what he said, I gather that we cant unchange oursoulves. Therefore, one bad thing and our soul is tainted, becoming mistreated with the world around us, we cant be cleaned. Cleansing the soul is a rather tedious task. I for one am happy with my soul be tainted as it is, I have gone through alot of shit in my life and therefore, I will keep my soul as is, to remind human nature of what life trully is.

existentialism: A philosophy that emphasizes the uniqueness and isolation of the individual experience in a hostile or indifferent universe, regards human existence as unexplainable, and stresses freedom of choice and responsibility for the consequences of one's acts.

Right on...I could not have said it better than that. I adore existentialism to such a degree. If you begin to blame others for your disgrace, you have to be the lowest form of human nature conceived through any womb. I spit on the people who think they are better than others based on a post of humanism or anything regarding human nature. Do you find it pleasing and pleasuring to know your better than someone else? I hate and strongly hate people who dont stand up for themselves, and I hate it when something that i fight for becomes destoyed. I have a voice to and I will be damned if I am not heard. Wether I am saying is unintelligent or not, I have the right to speak and having someone disregard what i just said because it sounded "off" pisses me the fuck off. I have told me out right what i thought about them and me saying this, feels better for me and not the other person. I am in this world for myself, i dont have someone holding my hand anymore and I certainly dont have someone to lean on. I am the controller of my own persuasion and having you sound like your higher than me in inconceivable to my mind. Your lost and your afraid to react on your own, you tug on your mother's hand when your afraid and you loose control of what now remains. Trully, the world is against you and will always be like that and with the few "freinds" you do have, will eventually turn their back on you once they find your "true colors."

Apathy: Lack of interest or concern, especially regarding matters of general importance or appeal; indifference.

No one human has any true apathy. Saying you have apathy for something, your basically lying to yourself. In human nature you dont have the right to have apathy, you can only have sympathy cause everyone has that feeling wether your the darkest or most cold hearted person. Remember, coldness is a form of heat. WIthout heat you cant have cold, therefore apathy is an obsolote word to use for the meaning of anything.

I am now ending this to your discussion.

This wrtings were made by Tristan.

Damn!! lot's of work to do!

2005-03-09T08:27:00.000+08:00

Damn it.. graduation is near but I still have a lot of projects to do. Most of my projects are in English and Filipino... the EASY subjects.. why did I take those 2 for granted.. grr.. I have to work double time! no triple time!! NO!! QUADRUPLE TIME! argh.... that's ok...

You wanna know something? I'm having doubts in my theory... Maybe God actually knows best. Hmm... I don't know... maybe you just have to have faith in him because.. maybe even if you think you know what's best for you.. it's actually not. Maybe he does know what's best... and though he may get mad at times.. he won't let you down if you truly want to be good. I don't know what's the answer actually... Hopefully I'll find out the answer soon.

arf arf... awoohhh......

PS: I hate werewolves... they're too strong.

wahla lang

2005-03-08T13:15:00.000+08:00

LET IT BE KNOWN THAT FROM THIS DAY THIS IS MY NEW BLOGSITE!